FLOATIING IN THE AIR

i don't know where to start.

there are quite a number of things flashing through my mind right now, all messed up and processing simulataneously.

then emotions set in.

yesterday i went jogging with close peeps but i only jogged a short distance and chatted with my pal while walking briskly.

walking is better than jogging as it encourages more effective blood circulation as stated from health magazines.

afterwards, i went dining with my best friend and drank red wine with her shortly after.

which sucked big time as it was bitter and sour.

13% alcohol content.

i don't know if that's considered alot.

heck it man.

let's go onto next thing - today.

today started off with a last minute shock from my guy who had last minute change of plan.

that irritated me for i had planned to have my own space today.

oh well, i still let him come over my house to do his stuffs while i was super sleepy and forced myself not to sleep.

damn.

finally i managed to hurry him up so that i could sleep.

i slept in till dinner time.

i ate dinner while watching tv as usual.

haha.

that felt so good just idling around.

perhaps i had been burnt out from all fuckingly damn projects.

and i've started to appreciate free time.

then i had to fight with my guy.

all cos of the void feeling.

no sparks.

he neglected me over his heavy workload.

that's alright, i had never uttered a word of complaint then.

until now i had just told him honestly that i can't take it anymore that he aint there to share my stress or at least talk to me.

but he had to misunderstand me that i was asking for too much.

hello, i've helped you in your work stuffs like typing out and printing.

yet you can't seem to be a help to me when i badly need it.

moreover you seem to brush me aside when you are so busy.

any idea of how that felt?

it was truly making me feel down even more.

i no longer wanted to share everything with you.

then you had to say break up.

i really don't know why you kept on saying break up whenever i say i feel neglected by you.

is it that you can't stand me anymore?

is it that you really have no time for me?

is it that you can't be too bothered to listen to my heart?

is it that you've changed?

however i believe that we have our own hectic schedules.

but surely was it wrong of me to tell you how i feel?

perhaps i had not fully understood you.

perhaps i'm too tired to understand you.

perhaps i can't really understand you despite the efforts i've put in for you.

all i feel now is only negative-ness towards our relationship.

it is more or less settling down.

when i suggested to put our relationship on hold for awhile due to work, you took it as a breakup.

what's this fuck you're giving me?

do you even understand both terms of short break and a break-up?

please, they are both very different.

you really kind of broke my heart to know that you really think of me that way.

when can we ever sit down to fully understand each another?

we never had the time to.

you were too caught up in your own work.

perhaps despite being good and faithful to me, you kind of failed to understand my heart.

i'm afraid i can't live with this kind of guy in future.

anyway you don't really know my blog and you won't be reading this.

even if u knew my blog, you won't really read it to understand my heart for you don't like words.

the kind of guy who i once knew, was really very understanding and patient and willingly to listen to my heart.

yet this same guy who i knew, had turned into a domineering guy who is very ambitious and moving too fast for me and neglected my heart at times whenever buried in work.

just thinking about it, can make my tears come out.

my heart is screaming for the old you to come back.

but the old you didn't seem to come back.

the new you had taken over.

i really don't know what to do.

cos i just realised that my heart may not be able to keep you for long.

i didn't mention this to you for i don't want to hurt you.

i'm really trying my best to keep on loving you but you seem to cut it short everytime.

it takes two hands to clap.

i'm so afraid of stopping loving you one day.

i don't want to stop loving you.